Swiss Garment Bag, Surplus

Here’s something that every style-conscious home should have. A sturdy toxic green foldable vinyl-coated bag for clothes. Also works nicely as a (crap) laptop bag and slightly better as a beer carrier. Feels delightfully clammy and smells like a sex shop. What’s not to luv?

Features

This is actually quite a smart and super mega tough bag. The vinyl is thick, the stitching proper n’ good, and the metal parts true metal and not some shoddy crapolite. The Swiss folks know how to make their stuff! The zippers are made by Riri, which is known for high-quality zips. When you close this bag when surrounded by your friends, the authority-oozing click the snap buckles make them tremble with titillating anticipation. You can close the buckles at three heights and thus change the carrying size of the bag. You can also alter the place of the carrying handle. Look at the pics, they will explain it a lot better than mere words. The color of the carrying handle can vary, and there are no shoulder slings or straps.

The bag has a slot for a name tag so you can shout at the whole world that this sexy beast is yours! In case your taste is limited, put your worst enemy’s name there. This is vinyl-coated, so water and other liquids won’t go through it. The zipper isn’t waterproof so don’t try to hide dirty money inside a well in one of these. It will most likely also poison the well.

The color scale includes the whole range of neighborly emotions from bitterness to envy. Such a symphony of colors might irritate people who are obsessed with interior decoration but for us mere mortals these are all poison green and thus we won’t pick and choose. The inside color can vary a bit more. Live dangerously and be pleasantly surprised.

Use

Originally this was used as a water-repellant garment bag. You put the clothes in and carry the bag as it is or make it more compact by folding. A gently folded coat gets less wrinkled than one that is sharply squished inside a suitcase.

Because these are used and smell of rubber, we don’t recommend carrying your white drug lord suit or any other "proper" clothes in it unless you want to look like a shady '70s car salesman. This is better suited for more leisurely stuff. Carry your East German Dominatrix outfit in it or something equally fun.

In case you have always wanted your legs licked by the hazy 70s, buy a bunch of these and make yourself a pair of funky vinyl pants. Or cool vinyl curtains! Or indestructible underwear.

Put your beer inside

An obvious use for a strong heavy duty but flexible suitcase is carrying your beer ration to the target location - and beyond! Everything from "I'll just get slightly tipsy and call it a day" to "I'M A PIRATE LOOK AT ME OHH IT BURNS, OH WOW HAHA!!" is covered thanks to the adjustable size.

Sizing

This isn’t a shoddy paper thin crap bag but good ol’ synthetia, it weighs a nice 1.7 kg (3.75 lbs). The outer measurements of the zippered compartment are 40 x 60 cm (15.75" x (23.5") but the bag folds into a smaller and even smaller size.

Condition

Psst, would you like to buy used Swiss military surplus? This is exactly it. These may have some stains and other signs of use but they are perfectly serviceable. As a bonus, you get the arousing scent of vinyl that has been lying in a warehouse. A lot more arousing than the fucked up weewee medicine made from rare animals.

Note that these have some muck on the surface that makes your hands dirty. It isn't dangerous and can be easily washed off. It feels a bit like participating in politics for the first time. First, you feel uncomfortable but when you wash your hands of the whole thing, you will eventually get used to it. If you don’t want to get used to it, you can wash the bag first. Since this is vinyl-coated, the purification operation is easy and doesn’t require chemical warfare.