Swiss Rain Poncho, White, Surplus

Is it a barrow wight? Is it a Moomin pelt? No, it is much more awesome. This white rain poncho is something you never thought you’d need, but when you see it, you just can’t live without it. If you don’t click it in the basket, it will gnaw at your very soul, dragging you closer and closer to madness. At night you’ll lie awake pale and drenched in sweat listening to the pounding of your wild heart. Budum, budum, snow white, magic cape…

Features

When you wear this, you can visualize yourself as the White Death, but without the wet ass. Snap the sides shut to protect yourself from acid rain. As a rain poncho, you can slip your arms through the holes between the snap caps and be ready to attack. Or keep them hidden underneath. This is quite roomy, so you can fit a day pack or a beer case underneath. You can also use this for cycling, as long as you tighten it around your waist. If you don’t, you will zoom down the road as gracefully as a wombat stuck in a parachute.

The metal eyelets on the edges enable you to turn this into a shelter when needed. Just snap the thingy open and sleep peacefully in the wilderness, safe from the evils of the world. If you are more of a glamper than a rough and tough outdoors type, you might first curse this to the nether regions of Hell. However, after a few weeks of indoctrination, you will enjoy the freedom it brings and no longer desire to hover inside a stuffy tent. When canoeing, this also works as a tarp protecting your gear.

What makes this delightfully magnificent is the soul-brightening white color. Normally these come in army green or something painted with the contents of a moose’s stomach by a meth-fueled artist. But these white ones are simply fantastic in white winter when you’re attacked by wet snow, sleet, rain, or other nasty crap. On the other hand, it is a very good color when you really don’t have any snow but want to be seen. The rescue chopper can find you when you have camped yourself close to death. It is also an excellent Halloween costume or perfect for fun ghost games in the bedroom.

A few words on the sound effects. This hisses, swishes, rustles, and scuffles. So if you want to creep upon your friends like the pale ghost of the night, this isn’t the best outfit. It won’t matter in regular use though. The thunder gods will be louder than you even if you dance the lambada wearing this.

• Measurements when snapped close: c. 111 x 163 cm (44” x 64”)
• Messurements when spread open: n. 223 x 163 cm 88” x 64
• Weight c. 530 g (18.7 oz)

Materials and care

Material info isn’t given, but it is something 100% synthetic. Possibly Nylon. Wash at 40 degrees Celsius (104 F).

Condition

(Possibly) used Swiss army surplus. These are either very nicely used or simply abandoned in the warehouse.